Losing and Finding
by galindapopular
Summary: Letting go is never easy. Saying goodbye when you didn't really get to is nearly impossible. Starting life over when she lost everything she was counting on will be the hardest thing Julie has ever had to do.
1. How She Got Here

**Summary: Letting go is never easy, saying goodbye when you didn't really get to is practically impossible. Starting her life over when she lost everything she was counting on will be the hardest thing Julie's ever had to do.**

**Author's Note: So, in my film class we're doing war films right now. And I started writing this. I won't give too much away, although everything gets pretty laid out in the first chapter here. It's a lot more serious than anything I've ever written before. I'm not doing a linear plot structure either, also new for me. I have the whole story planned out, I hope it turns out, and I'd really appreciate reviews, if I have some facts wrong, I apologize for it, I would really appreciate reviews!**

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**Losing and Finding**

**Chapter 1: How She Got Here**

**July 2005**

Julie Gaffney walked into the house that she shared with her fiancé, Dean Portman and saw him sitting on the couch holding a paper.

"Hey sweetie," She leaned over and kissed him, "What's that?"

"Um, Julie," He said, taking her hands and pulling her down. She saw the serious look on his face.

"Dean, what is it?" She looked at him.

"It's from," He looked at her, "It's from the army. I've gotten called up again." She swallowed.

"Where?" She whispered.

"Iraq," He looked down, "Troop surge."

"Troop surge," She bit her lower lip and stood up, "Fine." She walked into the bedroom and slammed the door and then locked it behind her. She lay down on the bed and curled up.

"Babe," He groaned and banged on the door, "Come on, Julie, we have to talk about this. We knew there was a chance of this happening." She opened the door.

"I don't want you to go back," She said, "It was impossible enough the first time."

"Come here," He sighed and hugged her. "I know this screws us up OK? But I go back, I do a couple of tours, and before you know it, it's over, we get married and start our life."

"It's not before I know it," She said, "It's months of worrying, and thinking, and wondering, and not seeing you," He kissed her. "And last time you weren't in Iraq, and at least I understood why you were going and, we weren't supposed to be getting married in six months." He kissed her again. "You're not going to kiss your way out of this one."

"I'm not?" He smirked.

"No," She said, "When do you go?"

"Two months," He sighed. "I'm sorry Julie."

"Can't we go to Canada?" She whispered.

"I didn't get drafted in Vietnam," He laughed, "It doesn't work like that."

* * *

**December 2007**

Julie sat at her desk in class. Law school was killer, but she had to do what she had to do. At least finals were coming up, and she could get out of here.

"This seat taken?" Someone said, she looked up and shook her head. "I'm Paul."

"Julie," She nodded and waved.

"Yeah, I've seen you around," He nodded. "I've thought about talking to you." She nodded. She bet he had. Guys like this were coming up to her all the time. Then he glanced down. "I didn't realize you were engaged."

"What?" She looked at him, and then realized, "Oh, I'm not."

"Really?" He asked, "Because normally, when girls wear diamond rings on their left hand, it means that they're engaged."

"I'm not engaged," She sighed, "I was, but not anymore."

"So why are you still wearing the ring?" He asked, "If you're not engaged."

"My fiancé, he um," She said, "He died." He pulled back. "That's the typical reaction."

"I'm so sorry," He looked at her, "I didn't realize."

"It's OK," She shrugged, "I just haven't been able to take the ring off yet." He nodded.

"Do you mind me asking what happened?" He sighed.

"He was in Iraq," She said, not wanting to go into details.

"Bigger wow," Paul said. She nodded. "You must be very proud."

"Not really," She shook her head. "I hated it. I didn't want him to go when he enlisted after 9-11, and then he got called up again, and sent to Iraq, and now he's dead." She looked down. "I'm sorry, you must think I'm crazy."

"No," He said, "Not at all." He stood up and walked away.

"Works every time," Julie shook her head, and went to her notes.

Later that day she walked into the house and dropped her books.

"Hey, honey," Fulton said, "How was school today?"

"Fine," She laughed and plopped on the couch. "Some idiot hit on me. The ring scared him off."

"When are you going to take the ring off?" He sat down next to her.

"When I'm ready to," She looked at him. "I don't want to have this conversation."

"Julie it's been five months," He said, "He wouldn't want you to live like this."

"How am I living?" She said, "How is it any different than before? I go to class, I come back here."

"You shut everyone out," He looked at her. "You come home and curl up and,"

"Like you said," She whispered, "It's been five months, which maybe seems like a long time, but it's nothing. I don't know why everyone expects me to just go back to normal!"

"No one expects that Jules," He sighed, "No one expects you to be happy go lucky Julie, but you have to stop torturing yourself."

"Yeah," She nodded, "Whatever."

* * *

**June 2002**

"I don't want you to go," Julie whispered as she and Dean sat on his bed. He kissed her. "Dean,"

"It's a just a year Julie," He smiled, "I'm going to be in Germany. No where near Afghanistan, and then I'll be back, and I'll get to go to school with you, and everything will be great."

"There are other ways to get money for school you know," She said. He sighed.

"Yeah, scholarships, which I didn't get any of," He said, "I'm not a brainiac like you," He kissed her, "And financial aid, which I didn't get enough of, and loans, which are impossible. This is the easiest way. I love you." He said, she nodded and kissed him, she weaved her hands around his neck and pulled them horizontal. "What are you doing?" He whispered.

"What kind of American would I be if I let my brave soldier go off without a proper send off?" She said and kissed him.

"Julie," He whispered, nuzzling her neck gently. "Are you sure about this?" She nodded and sat up, peeling her shirt off.

"I love you," She said softly. "I always will, and I want something to hold on to, something to remember." He smiled and kissed down her chest. She'd hung on to her virginity this long was what she always said, but now the boy she loved was going away and she wouldn't see him for months. And he was doing something incredibly brave, and important. At least that's what she kept telling herself.

"Something to keep me warm at night?" He teased. She kissed him. "I don't want you to regret this."

"I won't," She said, "I know I won't."

* * *

**July 2007**

"How's she holding up?" Fulton asked Connie as she cleared the table. Connie shrugged.

"She's not good," Connie shook her head. "She won't talk to anyone, and she had that huge fight with Mrs. Portman. Now she's saying she won't go to funeral," She sighed.

"Mommy?" Four year old Kayla Germaine pulled at her mother's pants, "Mommy, can I go try to make Aunt Julie smile?"

"No sweetie," Connie crouched down, "Aunt Julie's really tired, just leave her alone OK? Do you want some dessert?"

"Yes please," Kayla nodded.

"OK," Connie said, "Maybe she'll talk to you Fult."

"I'll try," He nodded and walked outside, Julie was sitting on the porch, wrapped in a blanket. He sat down next to her. "Hey."

"Leave me alone," She shook her head, "I don't want to talk to anyone."

"OK," He nodded, "That's fine. But here's the deal, I'm just going to sit here, with you, until you're ready to talk." She nodded, and pressed her lips inside her mouth.

"She tried to give me his purple heart," She whispered, "She said he would have wanted me to have it." She shook her head. "But she just would have wanted him to want me to have it. He knew that I wanted nothing to do with any of it." He nodded. "I can't believe he's gone Fulton." She hugged him. "It can't be real."

"I know," He whispered, and sniffed, trying not to cry, "But come on, you know what he'd say if he was here?"

"Stop crying, you queers?" She said, he nodded and they laughed.

"You can't not go tomorrow Julie," He said. She looked down. "Did you watch the tape?" She shook her head. "Maybe you should." She closed her eyes.

"I can't," She whispered. "Not alone, will you watch it with me?"

"Anything you need," Fulton nodded. Before Portman left he'd promised to take care of Julie, if anything happened. Sure the whole thing was very Pearl Harbor, but no one really thought that Dean wouldn't be coming home. "Come on, you have to eat something."

"You sound like Connie," She sniffed and stood up, they walked back inside.

"Aunt Julie!" Kayla ran over and took her hand.

"Hey sweetie," Julie smiled.

"We're having ice cream," The little girl said, "When I'm sad ice cream makes me feel better. You should have some."

"Alright Kayla," Julie smiled, "I will have some ice cream." She smiled lightly at Connie as she picked the little girl up. Kayla kissed her godmother on the cheek.

"I'm going to miss Uncle Dean too," Kayla proclaimed.

"Yes baby," Fulton nodded at the little girl, "We all are."

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**Review it Please! Like I said, it's really different for me.**


	2. I Told You So

**Author's Note: Quick response, always awesome! I'm glad people aren't just flat out rejecting this, also, I brought on tears...I cried while writing it too...Jeyton sorry, no JulieAdam in this one, Adam probably will pop up at some point, everyone probably will! And harumscarum, no he's really dead, but the non linear structure means that he will still be crucial to the story. I don't know why I managed to get this chapter out so fast, but I did. Hope you like it!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

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**Chapter 2: I Told You So**

**December 2002**

"Hello?" Dean shouted entering his house for the first time in months. That his leave fell over Christmas was too close to perfect.

"Dean!" Julie squealed running from the back of the house. She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him. "You're home." She fingered the gold buttons on his dress uniform.

"And happy to be home," He smiled, "Happy to be with you." She smiled as he touched her face, and slipped his hand through her blond hair, which was now several inches shorter than it had been. "You cut your hair."

"I know," She smiled, "It was just getting in the way." He laughed and kissed her.

"There he is," His mother walked through, "Our big hero."

"Hey Mom," He smiled and hugged her.

"Oh it's so good to have you home," She said.

"I'm glad to be back home," He said, he winked at Julie. "If you two don't mind I'm going to go take a shower and get changed."

"Of course," Mrs. Portman said, "But first," She whipped out a camera. He laughed as she snapped a picture. "I'm so proud of you." She said, hugging him again and kissing him on the cheek. She walked away.

"When we can get a second alone," He said grabbing Julie's hand, "I want to talk to you about something."

"OK," She smiled and kissed him. "And you look really hot in that."

"Well you know that's half the reason why I joined the army," He laughed, "To turn you on."

* * *

"Afghanistan?" She stared at him, late that night, as they sat with their legs crossed on the couch. "But you're stationed in Germany."

"I know," He sighed, "They're moving my unit, so that they can move people from Afghanistan into Iraq, and,"

"You can't go to Afghanistan Dean!" She said. "There's actual fighting in Afghanistan."

"Julie," He said and touched her face. "I know this sucks, OK? Trust me, I'm not happy about it," She sighed. "But I'll actually get to do something, and going after the Taliban, I mean the whole reason I did this was because,"

"You did this to get money for college," She looked at him. "That's what you told me." He kissed her.

"That was part of it," He said softly, "But the other part was that after September 11, Jules, how could I not?" She nodded. "That's not all I wanted to talk to you about."

"It's not?" She said. He shook his head. "What else? You got some German girl pregnant?"

"No," He laughed. "No, not at all. I love you, so much," He kissed her. "More than anything else in the entire world. And I want us to have a future," He took her hands and swallowed, "I want to be with you for the rest of my life."

"Dean," She whispered as he pulled a ring box out of his pocket.

* * *

**July 2007**

Julie stood up staring blankly at the flag draped casket. She felt so strange, everyone staring at her. She was too young for this, burying the love of your life is supposed to be something you do after you've shared a lifetime together. She didn't even technically know what her status was. She wasn't a widow, but she felt like one. As the color guard that was present saluted and began to fire off the traditional rounds, she flinched. She felt Fulton's arm circle around her reassuringly.

"It's almost over," He whispered in her ear. She hated this. She felt so completely helpless. And why were they shooting? Why were they mimicking the very thing that had killed him? They removed the flag from the casket, folded it precisely and went to hand it to his mother, who shook her head and nodded to Julie. She stepped forward and accepted it, finally bursting into the tears that she'd been holding back all morning. Dean had been so proud of being a soldier. How had she forgotten that? How had she lost sight of something that was so important to him?

* * *

**April 2006**

"What do you mean you're reenlisting?" Julie gaped at him. "Dean, what about us?" He looked at her.

"Nothing's going to change," He insisted, "It's just,"

"Another year," She said, "A whole year! I can't wait much longer." She kissed him gently. "I want to get married, I want to start our life together."

"Julie, we're going to have all of that," He assured her, "We're going to get married, have kids, all of it. But this is important to me, it's my duty!"

"You've done your duty!" She shouted. "You've done it constantly for the past four years. But what about us?!"

"I thought you understood," He shook his head.

"I'm trying to understand," She sighed, "I've always tried to, I never could. You said that you loved me more than anything else in the world. Why can't you put me first for once?"

"I am," He touched her face, "Julie, you're always the first thing I think of, if I do this, I'll make officer, do you know how much more money,"

"I don't care about that!" She said shaking her head, "I care about you, home, safe, with me." He kissed her. "Dean," She whispered.

"I promise you," He said, "This is the last of it. I'll be a sergeant, and I'll get a hell of a pension," She laughed, "And you can go to law school, and we'll have everything we've ever wanted." She nodded. "OK?"

"OK," She swallowed, "But I reserve the right to say I told you so if anything does happen!" She pointed at him. He laughed and kissed her.

* * *

**May 2007**

Dean smiled, sitting reading the latest letter he'd gotten from Julie.

"News from home Portman?" One of the other guys asked.

"Just wedding plans," He laughed. "She bought a dress."

"Don't know how you do it man," He shook his head, "You've been engaged to her for how long?"

"Almost five years now," Dean sighed. "I can't marry her while I'm still here though. She's barely cut out for the army girlfriend thing, I don't think she could handle army wife."

_I don't know how much longer I can take being away from you. I know it's just a few more months, but I miss you so much. Just wait until you see Kayla, she's gotten so big! She asked about you specifically when I was up in Minnesota last week. I know you were afraid she wouldn't remember you, but there's obviously no need for that. I think about you every second, dream about you every night and pray for you every time I see something beautiful. Stay safe and come home to me. I have nothing else to say. I love you, I love you, I love you!_

_Yours Always_

_Julie_

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**December 2007**

Julie stood in front of the tombstone, shivering under her fairly thin coat. The sun was going down and she could feel the wind coming in off of the lake. She loved Chicago, though a part of her sometimes wanted to run away, either home to Maine or back to Minnesota, away from his city, his home. But school was here, the home that she owned was here. Her life, or at least what was left of it was her. She quietly lay a Christmas wreath over the stone and then fingered the engraving.

_Sgt Dean Anthony Portman_

_1982-2007_

_Soldier – Friend – Beloved_

"I told you so," She whispered. It was the first time she'd been able to say it.

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**Review Please!**


	3. Best Friend

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**Author's Note: Really, thanks for the reviews. I appreciate it so much!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

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**Chapter 3: Best Friend**

**July 2007**

"I'm moving down here," Fulton said. Julie looked at him and shook her head. The rest of the Ducks nodded.

"Don't," She sighed, "I know you and Dean made some kind of weird Pearl Harbor, you'd take care of me pact, but I'm fine, or I will be."

"It's not just him," Charlie said looking at her. "You shouldn't be alone, we all think so." Everyone nodded.

"Guys," She said softly, "Really, I appreciate your concern, I do, but this isn't something that the team can fix." She sighed, "I need to lie down." She stood up and walked upstairs and lay down in the bed. She fell into a deep dreamless sleep.

"Is she alright?" Mrs. Portman asked.

"She won't talk to anyone," Connie sighed, "I barely got her to eat last night. The women from that support group she was in, she asked them all to leave. The only person she'll even look at is Fulton. And Kayla."

"I know," She said softly, "I wanted to apologize, for the other day."

"You two were both upset," Connie shook her head. "I'm sure she's not holding it against you."

Julie woke up and looked at the clock, it had been hours, and hopefully everyone had gone. She walked down stairs.

"Fulton!" She sighed. "I really want to be alone."

"OK," He said, "Look, I know you think you're going to be OK, and you probably will be," He sighed, "I'm not sure I will be. And you've got this nice big empty house." She smiled. "What do you say? Roomies?"

"You're such a pain in the ass," She rolled her eyes and walked back upstairs.

"That's not an answer," He shouted after her.

"I expect you to pay rent," She shouted back.

* * *

**January 2008**

Julie was in that wonderful place between dreams and waking. Her eyes were still closed and she could feel Dean's arms around her. It had been so long since she'd felt him close. As she blinked and woke up, she realized. Dean was gone, she wasn't with him. But she was with someone. This was all wrong! What had happened?

Fulton grunted in as he woke up and looked at the woman in his arms. No, he hadn't done this. He was far from being perfect, but he was better than this. He hadn't slept with his best friend's fiancée. Even if Portman was dead, that was just something you didn't do. It was so goddamned cliché! And she was awake.

"Julie," He said softly, stroking her hair, she burst into tears and pulled herself closer to him, "Julie, it's OK."

"It is not OK!" She sat up, taking the covers with her, to cover herself, a useless gesture she knew, "Fulton how is it at all OK?" He wiped a tear from her cheek. She was so beautiful, and right now she looked so scared. He wanted to say something, anything, to make her feel better, appease her. But to be honest he had no idea how this could be OK. So he just kissed her again and held her close while she cried.

* * *

**August 2005**

"I can't believe it's your last night and we're not alone!" Julie sighed, her arms around Dean's neck, he kissed her.

"You know the Ducks won't be denied," He smiled. "And it's not my last anything. I'll be home before you know it." He kissed her again. Fulton walked over, "Now, I have to talk to this ass hole." He laughed. She nodded and walked away.

"This sucks, man," Fulton said, as they high fived into an extremely tight man hug.

"Yeah," Dean nodded, "I need you to do something for me."

"Anything," Fulton nodded, "You know that." They broke away from each other.

"I need you to make sure that she's OK," He said quietly.

"Dude," Fulton shook his head, "Don't do that. You'll be back in six months, everything's going to be fine."

"If it's not," He looked at him, "I need to know that she's being taken care of." He looked away, "I'm scared, Fult. I mean, I'll do what I have to do, but this isn't like before. People die over there."

"Yeah," Fulton sighed, "But you won't. You can't," Portman laughed. "Look, I'll promise if it means that you'll drop this."

"You got yourself a deal," Dean smiled. "God," He looked at Julie sitting playing with Connie and Guy's two year old daughter. "I'm crazy, I should do everything possible to stay with her."

* * *

**February 2006**

"You're down here a lot more than you used to be," Julie laughed one night as she and Fulton walked back from a bar where they'd spent the evening hanging out.

"Well," He smiled, "I did promise Portman I'd take care of you, so, you know."

"You didn't!" She laughed, he nodded, "So that makes you Josh Hartnett right?"

"Oh you're funny," He nodded. "He's just worried that's all."

"I know," She smiled softly, "Its sweet, really, but I don't need looking after." He smiled at her.

"That's what I said," He nodded, "But you know him, once he gets an idea in his head,"

"Do I ever," Julie whispered. "Have you heard from him lately?"

"No," Fulton shook his head. "You?"

"No," She sighed, "Every time I go more than a week without any contact I go into worry over drive. I mean, when I'm hearing from him regularly I can sometimes think about something else, but when I haven't…" She trailed off, "I'm killing my buzz," She laughed, so did he. "At least he'll be home soon, and this can all be over. Did I tell I joined one of those ridiculous wives and girlfriends groups?" She laughed.

"That's good Julie," He said.

"It's just so weird," She shook her head, "I mean, it's good to have other people to talk to about it, you know other people who are going through the same thing. But they're all always talking about how proud of them they are. What a great thing they're doing. And all I can ever focus on is why Dean's over there fighting, and nothing's clean cut or good about it. I mean, when he was in Afghanistan, that I understood, sort of, but this," She sighed.

"Come here," He hugged her. "He loves you so much Julie, and trust me I know, because every time I talked to him, he asks me if I've talked to you, and how you're really doing." She smiled. "He knows you're a big liar and you'd never really tell him what's going on with you." She laughed, and they kept walking, "So tell me about this group."

"Well, most of them are married already," Julie said, "Because you know it's the army and that's how it works. A few of them have the most adorable kids! I mean, not like our Kayla, of course," She laughed.

"Well that's because not all kids can be both completely adorable, and brilliant," He laughed. "When are you coming up?"

"Soon," Julie shrugged, "As soon as I hear back from law schools."

"Sure," He smiled.

* * *

**April 2007**

"What about September?" Dean said as he and Julie lay in bed. He was home for a week, and they hadn't left each other for more than a few minutes.

"For what?" She laughed.

"Our wedding," He smiled, "I come home in August, and I think we should just do it right away."

"It's not right away," She smiled, "It's five years after right away."

"True," He said softly. "But what about September?"

"I like September," She smiled. "September is perfect." He kissed her. "I wish you could stay." She sighed.

"I wish I could too," They kissed. He had his arms around her. "But I'm here now."

"Yes you are," She kissed him. "You're here," She wanted to lose herself in him. And for the moment she did.

"I'll always love you," He whispered. "I'll always take care of you."

"I don't need to be taken care of," She kissed him again, "I just need you."

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**I know, it's a horrible cliche, but I couldn't help myself. Keep those reviews coming.**


	4. What Love Is

**Author's Note: Seriously, I cannot stop writing this...I don't know what it is. But I really appreciate that you guys are reading it, reviewing it as quick as I'm updating it lol!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

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**Chapter 4: What Love Is**

**September 2007**

"Jules come on," Fulton said walking into her room, "It's Saturday, we've got to run."

"Not today," She mumbled, still curled up in a ball.

"Why?" He sat down, "What's wrong?"

"Do you know what the date is?" She whispered. He stopped.

"September 20," He sighed. She nodded. "OK, do you want some food?" She shook her head. "Alright, I'm still going to go for the run, I'll be back in like a half hour."

"OK," She nodded. She lay in bed for about another ten minutes. It was supposed to be the happiest day of her life. Her wedding day, and then it had all disappeared. She pulled herself out of bed and went to her closet, as she shifted through looking for her jeans her eyes drifted to the end, and it was just hanging there. A big black bag, she hadn't unzipped it and looked at it in a long time. She picked it up and lay it out on the bed, carefully unzipping the garment bag. She touched the details, the lace flowers along the bottom, the gentle beading of the bodice, the fresh white color. She hadn't been able to look at it, or think about, she'd brought it home the same day that he'd…She shook her head and walked downstairs to make herself some coffee. There were already messages on the machine.

"Hi sweetie, it's Mom," was the first, "I just want to make sure you're OK. Call me if you need to talk."

"Jules, it's Connie," came next, "Honey, get back to me. I'm worried about you. I love you."

"Hey Cat, it's Adam," After that. Actually every single one of the Ducks had already called. It was good of them, but they should have known that she wouldn't want to talk about it. She walked back up stairs, picked the dress up off the bed and slid out of her pajamas. She would at least do this.

Fulton walked in and then up to Julie's room. She probably hadn't moved, he wouldn't have blamed her. He knocked on the door and walked in and saw her lying on the bed, sound asleep, wearing her wedding gown. She looked beautiful, peaceful.

"Julie," He said softly sitting down next to her and then gently tapping her to wake her up. She sat up. "Hey."

"Hey," She smiled. She looked down. "You must think I'm crazy. It's just, I saw it hanging in the closet and,"

"It's fine," He laughed, "You look beautiful." She blushed.

"It's too big," She pulled at the top, "I guess I've lost weight."

"That happens when you don't eat for three months," He teased her. She laughed. "He would have loved it."

"This is supposed to be the best day of my life," Julie whispered, "And instead I'm taking a nap in my wedding dress with you. I'm like the lady in _Great Expectations._"

* * *

**March 2003**

"She's beautiful Connie," Julie smiled cradling the small baby in her arms. Connie smiled. "I can't believe you're a mother."

"Well, twenty one is super young to have kids," Connie said, "But it felt right."

"You and Guy have always been on an entirely different time table than the rest of the world," Julie laughed.

"How's your time table looking these days?" Connie asked.

"Dean gets out this summer," She sighed, "Then, I finish school, he starts school, so we're four years away from anything real still."

"He's sure he wants to go to school?" Connie asked.

"He better be," Julie said, handing the baby back to her mother, "Otherwise he put me through all of this for no good reason."

"Que diriez-vous du patriotisme?" Connie laughed. Julie shook her head. "You're not even just a little proud of him?"

"I'm very proud of him," Julie sighed, "I'd be more proud if he were home and I was less worried." She sat down and played with Kayla's feet, "Are you proud of your Uncle Dean, Kayla?"

"I want you to be her godmother Julie," Connie said softly. Julie looked at her. "And I want you and Dean to be intended guardians."

"Connie," Julie shook her head, "Your parents, or Guy's,"

"No," Connie said, "Guy and I have talked about it, a lot. And if anything were to happen to us, we would want her to be with people who could really show her what love is. And that's you and Dean."

"Connie," Julie whispered and hugged her. "Yes, of course."

* * *

**January 2008**

"Hi," Fulton said coming in from work and seeing Julie setting the table. "You cooked?"

"I got out of class early," She shrugged, "And I don't have any homework, so I figured we could use something other than takeout."

"Yeah," He laughed, "Absolutely." They'd gotten into a good rhythm over the past six months. They could read each other's minds, any time they were out together people just assumed they were a couple, especially given the ring on Julie's finger.

"Red or white?" She asked taking two wine glasses out of the cabinet.

"Beer," He nodded. She rolled her eyes. "I don't drink wine Julie."

"You need to start drinking like a grown up," She rolled her eyes. He laughed.

"You're in a good mood today," He looked at her. She shrugged. "I'm serious, what happened?"

"Nothing," She said, "I can't just be happy?"

"Most people can," He nodded, "You're just rarely this happy for longer than like ten seconds." She shrugged. "Care to fill in the blanks?"

"I had a moment today," She said and looked at him, "And you're going to think I'm crazy, but it was just this moment of clarity, and I felt him." Fulton smiled. He'd been waiting for this. "I don't know, maybe it's crazy, but it felt good."

"I'm happy for you," He nodded, "That's really good. Alright, let's eat." She laughed as they sat down.

"You know," Julie said later as they sat on the couch, she was several drinks in the bag, as was he. They were completely celebrating the whole Julie good day thing. "I was so angry at first, with this whole you taking care of me thing, but now," She giggled, "I don't know what you'd do without me." She laughed, "I said that wrong."

"You my dear," He sighed as she put her head on his shoulder. "Are very drunk."

"I am indeed drunk," She smiled, "I have not been drunk enough in the past six months." She stood up, "I should go to bed."

"Come on," He said, sweeping her off her feet, "Let's get you upstairs." She dropped her head on his chest.

"Fulton," She whispered as they got into her room and he lay her down, "I'm lonely, I miss sex." He sighed, another thing he'd been waiting for. Her to realize how alone she was. What happened next he hadn't expected. She kissed him.

"Julie," He said gently.

"Fulton," She whispered, they kissed again. They lay down and he weaved their hands together. He ignored the fact that she still had a ring on her finger, that she probably wasn't ready for this.

* * *

**June 2002**

"Hey," Dean smiled as Julie blinked awake.

"Hey," She said softly.

"How are you feeling?" He asked. She shrugged, "Sore? Completely fulfilled? Give me something to go on here." She laughed and kissed him.

"I'm very happy," She said, "And a little sore." He laughed.

"Not mind blown, completely and thoroughly satisfied?" He teased her. She laughed. "I must be losing my touch!" She kissed him. "God, I can't believe I have to leave you."

"So, even my white virgin body wasn't enough to convince you to stay?" She sighed. He kissed her gently

"It was close," He smiled. She kissed him again, "I'm glad you waited Julie."

"I am too," She whispered, and climbed on top of him, "But we don't have to wait anymore now."

"Mm," He nodded and put his hands on her hips, "I'm glad for that too."

* * *

**Keep those reviews coming folks! **


	5. What's Happening Here?

**Author's Note: I really appreciate all of the reviews, they make me really happy. I'm glad you like it. It means a lot.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

* * *

**Chapter 5: What's Happening Here?**

**January 2008**

Julie sat in the circle at the support group, she hadn't been there in months. But after what had happened with Fulton, she had to find out what they thought.

"Julie," Marie, the woman who ran it looked at her, "We haven't seen you in a while, and you've been quiet tonight. What made you come back?"

"I had sex with my fiancé's best friend," She blurted out. Some of the new women looked at her, their jaws dropped. "I should give background. My fiancé, Dean, was killed by friendly fire in Baghdad in July. Since then, his best friend, Fulton, moved in with me, so that we'd both have this built in support system." The dropped jaws returned, and were replaced with understanding nods. "Anyway, last week we got drunk, and we ended up sleeping together." Everyone looked at her. "And that's why I came back here."

"Julie," Marie walked over to her after everyone had dispersed, "Honey, are you alright?"

"No," Julie admitted, "I'm not. I feel horrible."

"It's natural that you'll feel guilty," Marie said, "But this is good, you're moving on, he'd want that for you."

"It's not the moving on," Julie sighed. "I mean, I knew that this would happen eventually, I'm only 28, I wasn't planning on not having sex ever again, it's just that it's Fulton."

"That is complicated," Marie said, "Have you tried talking to Dean about it? When was the last time you went to the cemetery?"

"About a month ago," Julie whispered. "I never put much stock in that whole, talking to the grave thing."

"You never used to open up to us about how you really felt either," Marie laughed, Julie smiled, embarrassed. "It might help."

* * *

**July 2007**

Julie laughed walking into the house, she unzipped the large black garment bag again, and held the gown against her body and twirled. She was endlessly happy right now. She noticed the blinking light on the machine. It could wait a few minutes. She went up stairs, carefully hung the dress up in her closet and hummed to herself as she walked downstairs. She pressed the play button on the machine.

"Julie," She heard an almost unrecognizable sob come out. "Oh God, honey it's Arlene," She stopped, Dean's mother, "Please call me as soon as you can." Click. That was it. Something was wrong. She picked up the receiver, it was speed dial number 1, thank God, she couldn't for the life of her remember the number right now. It rang, once, twice, three times. Why wasn't anyone answering?

"Hello?" A distant tired male voice came out the other end.

"Jay?" She said, Dean's father, it had to be.

"Julie, sweetheart," He said, he sounded completely drained, what was wrong?

"What happened?" She said, her heart racing. Her mind jumped to the worst, but it couldn't be. He was injured maybe, and he was coming home. That had to be it. "Jay, is he alright?"

"He," His voice cracked, "Julie, they won't give us specifics, but he was hit and," He swallowed, "He's gone, sweetie." She froze, she felt like she was going to crush the phone her grip had tightened so much. There was some kind of mistake. There had to be, he wasn't dead, they were getting married, they had plans. "Julie? Are you still there?"

"I," She squeaked, "I have to go." She hung up the phone. She suddenly felt very dizzy. There was a loud thump as she collapsed and her body hit the floor.

When she woke up she was in bed, she had no idea how she got there. What time was it? What exactly had happened? Slowly her mind returned. The phone call, Dean, everything wrecked in an instant, she opened her eyes and saw a small child staring down at her.

"Aunt Julie!" Kayla said, "You're awake."

"Kayla," Julie whispered, she hugged the little girl, "Honey, when did you get here?"

"Forever ago," Kayla sat up, "Mommy and Daddy are downstairs." She kissed her. "No one will tell me why we had to come here."

"Well," Julie said, maybe having to explain it to a child would help her, "You know how Uncle Dean was away?"

"He was fighting in the war," Kayla nodded, "Is he coming home?"

"No honey," Julie whispered, holding back tears, "He's not coming home, sometimes, when people are fighting, the way he was, they don't come home, they," She started to cry, she couldn't keep talking. Kayla hugged her and kissed her on the cheek.

"Mommy said you'd be sad," Kayla whispered. "Don't be sad Aunt Julie, it's so pretty out, and it's summer."

"There you are," Guy sighed, walking in. "You're awake."

"Yeah," Julie nodded. "I'm awake. Is everyone here?"

"Not yet," He shook his head. "Me, Connie, Adam, Charlie," He sat down, "Ken and Russ are on planes,"

"Fulton?" She asked. He looked at her.

"He's delayed," Guy whispered. "He's coming as soon as he can." She nodded, "Kayla, come on, let Aunt Julie rest." He held out his hand and she nodded.

"I love you Aunt Julie," Kayla whispered.

"I love you too sweetie," Julie hugged her. "Guy, I'll be right down."

"Take your time," He said.

* * *

**June 2000**

"So now that we're out of there," Dean asked Julie as she packed up her dorm room at Eden Hall, "Out of here, what is your next step?"

"You know my next step," She rolled her eyes at him, "College. Northwestern, if I recall correctly."

"That's right Northwestern," He smirked, "My neck of the woods."

"I plan on keeping my neck out of your woods," She said, "I'm there for school, Portman."

"There's more to college than school," He said.

"How would you know? You're not going," She pointed out, "Don't you have your own shit to deal with?"

"Nah, I just sent everything to Fulton's," He laughed, "I'll sort through it later. We graduated, that's got to mean something."

"It means I've got seven years left still," She shrugged.

"Seven?" He looked at her. She nodded. "Four."

"Seven," She nodded, "Law school is three years."

"You want to be a lawyer?" He said confused.

"Mm hm," She smiled, "If you knew anything about me you'd know that."

"I know about you," He smiled. She shook her head. "I do. I know that when you concentrate you get this little crinkly line on you forehead," He moved closer to her, "I know that you like to sit in the snow, because you like the second when you wake up right when your butt hits the snow," She looked up at him, "I know you broke up with your boyfriend sophomore year because he didn't understand why you took school so seriously," She was staring at him now, what exactly was happening? "I know that when you laugh, you sort of warm up with these silent giggles before you start really laughing,"

"Have you been watching me?" She asked quietly. It was a stupid question.

"Just noticing," He smiled, "You don't notice me?" She blushed. "Mm, that's a yes."

"When you screw around," She whispered, "It's different then when you're actually being funny. And you've got this whole brooding bad boy thing, but its really transparent and anyone who's been around you for like more than two days can tell it's an act, and you're totally unaware of the effect you have on girls," He smiled and kissed her. "What are you doing?"

"Kissing you," He smiled and kissed her again, she pushed him away.

"No," She said, shaking her head, "No, no, I do not have time for this right now."

"You'll have time for it later?" He smirked. She sighed. "Julie, I've liked you for a long time, and I know that you don't do the whole dating thing because school's really important to you, but you're going to be in Chicago, and I thought I should take a chance."

"How long?" She asked with a smile.

"Since I met you," He mumbled, "Well, not right away, it took the whole you stopping every puck that came your way thing to push me over the edge, but," She kissed him.

"You've liked me for six years and never said anything about it?" She whispered. He shrugged. She kissed him again.

"What about school?" He asked.

"Like you said," She smiled, "Your neck of the woods." She giggled as he picked her up so they were face to face and kissed her.

* * *

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	6. Kids

**Author's Note: A much lighter chapter than I've written so far. I jump a few weeks into the future...which is ambitious of me, lol. Anyway, enjoy the chapter. Keep those reviews coming.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

* * *

**Chapter 6: Kids**

**May 2008**

Julie sat on Connie and Guy's couch watching Kayla open the present she'd brought her.

"She's beautiful!" Kayla cooed over the porcelain doll. "Mommy, look!"

"She is beautiful," Connie nodded. "What do you say?"

"Thank you Aunt Julie," Kayla said.

"Your welcome honey," Julie laughed. "It's a little late, since it's only been,"

"Three months, since my birthday," Kayla said, "I'm five," She held up her hand.

"Yes you are," Julie smiled and hugged her. Connie smiled.

"Kayla, sweetie," She said, "Why don't you take her upstairs and introduce her to your other dolls?"

"OK Mommy," Kayla nodded and skipped away. Julie smiled gently.

"So," Connie said, "How are you?"

"I'm OK," Julie shrugged. Connie smiled and looked down. She covered her left hand with her right.

"You took the ring off," Connie questioned. Julie nodded. "When?"

"Um January," Julie sighed, "I think, I don't remember."

"Connie, I have a question," Fulton walked in carry a box. "Julie," He said.

"Fulton," She stood up, "Hi, how are you?"

"I'm good," He nodded. "I'm good, things are good."

"That's good," She laughed.

"Julie," Connie looked at her, "Can you help me with something in the kitchen?"

"Uh, sure," Julie walked into the kitchen with her. "Connie what is this? I didn't realize you were cooking."

"When did you have sex with Fulton?" Connie looked at her. Julie shook her head.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Julie sighed. "I didn't have sex with Fulton."

"You're full of it," Connie shook her head, "I know when you lie, your ears get red." Julie sighed, "Is that why he moved back up here?"

"Yes," Julie said quietly.

"Did you two like fall for each other?" Connie said.

"No," Julie shook her head, "It wasn't like that. We were drunk, and lonely, and sad. It just sort of happened."

"Julie this could be good," Connie said, "I mean, Fulton's wonderful."

"Yes, he is," Julie laughed, "But do you know how unhealthy that is? And yes, at the time it was good, it was wonderful, and it was what we both needed, but I could never be with him," She looked down, "It'd be too, weird."

* * *

**September 2002**

Mandy, Julie's college roommate looked at her one day as she sat at her desk.

"Where's your boyfriend?" Many asked, "He hasn't been around, did you too break up?"

"He joined the army," Julie said, "He's in Germany."

"Oh my God!" Mandy said, "Why didn't you tell me this?"

"You didn't ask," Julie shrugged. "And I don't like talking about it."

"At least he's not in the middle east," Mandy shrugged, "You must be grateful for that."

"I thank God for it every day," Julie sighed. "Especially since there's all this Iraq talk now."

"You must be proud," Mandy said.

"I guess so," Julie nodded, "I never bought the whole patriotism thing, but he's so into it," She laughed. "So I guess I'm proud that he's doing something he believes in." Mandy nodded. "I have work to do."

"Of course," Mandy rolled her eyes. "So sorry to interrupt the patented Gaffney study system" Julie laughed. She sighed and looked down. She'd stopped thinking about it as much as she could. But she wasn't proud of him. She was terrified for him. Sure for now he wasn't in a combat zone, but that could change any day. She missed him too much to dwell on it though.

* * *

**March 2004**

"Look who it is!" Connie smiled answering the door. Dean and Julie were standing on the other side, she had one year old Kayla on her hip.

"Hey baby!" Julie smiled reaching out and taking the little girl, "There's someone I want you to meet, this is your Uncle Dean."

"Hey Kayla," He laughed. "God, Cons, she looks just like you!" Connie smiled.

"I know, it's weird," Connie laughed, "Come in." She hugged him, "Oh it's so good to know you're safe!"

"I was never in much danger," He shook his head, "Honestly, I did basic patrol, it was like being a cop."

"He's lying," Julie said, "He plays it down so that I don't freak out." Connie smiled.

"I'm going to go say hi to everyone," He laughed. He walked away.

"So?" Connie said, "Any change?"

"Not really," Julie shook her head, "I mean, he's home, we're looking for a place after I graduate, I'll probably work a year or two, before law school, and he's still kind of off."

"Post Traumatic Stress kind of off?" Connie asked.

"No," Julie said, "Just, he's floating. I think, he really felt like he had purpose there, and now he sort of doesn't, if that makes any sense."

"It does," Connie nodded, "He'll settle."

"I'm glad your home man," Fulton said, Dean smiled. "You're back for good now, right?"

"Yeah," He nodded, "I am. Started school."

"You like it?" Fulton asked.

"It's school," He laughed, "I don't know. I get annoyed, with these kids you know? They're all talking about the invasion, and the war like they know something. And then they ask me question about it." He sighed, "They don't get it."

"You can't expect them to man," Fulton sighed, "We barely get it. What about Julie?"

"She's been great," He smiled. "Really patient."

"She's glad your home," Fulton laughed.

"I miss it man," Dean sighed, "I really loved it. It made sense to me, and the only other thing that made that kind of sense was me and Julie."

"You gonna go back in?" Fulton asked him.

"No," He shook his head, "I couldn't do that to Julie. She'd kill me before I could ship out anyway."

"Probably," Fulton laughed.

"I want kids," Julie smiled, as they lay in bed that night. Dean looked at her.

"Right now?" He laughed.

"No," She said, "But someday, when we get married, and have a home."

"We're going to have a home soon I think," He smiled, "You liked that place we looked at last week didn't you?"

"Yeah, I did," She nodded, "It's big, for just the two of us."

"That's why we're talking about the kids," He laughed. She kissed him, "After law school."

"After law school what?" She said.

"The kids," He laughed. "That's when we should start."

"Really?" She said. He nodded. She kissed him. "Mmm, I'm so glad Dean."

"About me wanting to have kids?" He laughed, "Do you really think I'd give up the opportunity to have regularly scheduled sex with you?" She laughed. "Julie," He said.

"Yeah," She said, he touched her face.

"I know I've been out of it," He whispered, "Since I've gotten home."

"Dean, I expected it," She said, "Really, I did." He nodded. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," He kissed her. "I can't wait for our life to start."

"It's already starting," She smiled. "I mean we're going to buy a house Dean. It's nuts!"

* * *

**Review It Please!**


	7. Oh Thank God

**Author's Note: Back into the world of sad sad darkness. And a bit of a twist. Thanks for all of the reviews, I really appreciate them, every single one of them!  
**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

* * *

**Chapter 7: Oh, Thank God!**

**January 2008**

Julie sat on the couch, still in her pajamas, staring at the TV. It wasn't on, and it was three in the afternoon. She'd skipped class, partly from her hangover, partly from the massive guilt that was crushing her. How had she done it?

"Hey," Fulton walked in and sat down next to her.

"Hey," She wouldn't meet his eyes.

"Julie, we need to talk about this," He said.

"No we don't," She shook her head, "We need to pretend that it didn't happen." He looked at her. He looked down and noticed her hand.

"You took your ring off," He said gently.

"I'm not engaged anymore," She whispered. "I can't keep holding on to something that's not there."

"I'm going back to Minnesota," He said. She looked at him.

"No!" She said, "Fulton, don't."

"I have to," He sighed, "I can't stay here Julie."

"Why not?" She said, her eyes filling with tears.

"Because," He sighed, "I think I might be falling in love with you. And I know you're not ready for that." She looked down. "So I'm gonna go." She hugged him.

"Stay and think about it a little," She whispered, "Please?" He nodded.

"OK," He kissed her gently. "How are you feeling?"

"Terrible," She whispered, "I feel so guilty."

"Me too," He looked down, "But maybe, last night was your heart's way of telling you that you're ready to move on." She closed her eyes. "I mean, you took the ring off and everything." She laughed as she wiped the tears that were coming out away. "I love you Julie."

"I love you too," She said. "I need you here."

"Not anymore you don't," He said softly. "You're gonna be OK, Julie." They kissed again.

* * *

**July 2007**

"Julie?" Julie sat up in bed hearing someone downstairs. She stood up, pulled her bathrobe on and walked downstairs.

"Arlene," She said, "I'm sorry, did we have plans to get together?"

"I thought you might want this," Arlene handed her a box. Julie opened it.

"I don't want this," She handed it back. Dean's purple heart.

"Julie," Arlene said quietly, "He'd want you to have it."

"Well I didn't want him over there anymore," She said, "If he'd listened to me, we'd be married by now, so," She turned around and started to walk upstairs.

"I thought we could discuss the funeral," Arlene said. Julie stopped and looked at her.

"Just do whatever you think would be best," Julie said quietly.

"I thought for the eulogy," She started,

"Fulton," Julie said. "Fulton should do it."

"But you don't want to?" Arlene looked at her, "No one knew him better."

"No," Julie shook her head, "I don't want to speak at his funeral, I don't want his medal, Arlene. All I want right now, is to go to sleep and pretend that that my fiancée is coming home in a month, and that we're getting married in two."

"I'm worried about you," Arlene said, "We all are, I spoke to Connie, and your mother," She sighed, "I don't want you to shut the world out, Dean wouldn't want you to,"

"What Dean would want doesn't matter anymore!" Julie shouted. "Now I'm tired, I have a headache, so I would appreciate it if you left my house."

"You never appreciated what he was doing," She shook her head.

"No, I guess I didn't," Julie said, "And like I said, I would like you out of my home." She stomped back up the stairs. Maybe she was being childish. She didn't care.

* * *

**September 2001**

Julie sat on the couch, Dean's arm around her, staring at the TV. This was unreal. Every once in a while he would squeeze her as she wiped her eyes.

"Maybe we should turn it off," He whispered. She shook her head, "Julie, it's upsetting you."

"I'm fine," She shuddered, "But, well, has anyone heard from Adam?" He hugged her.

"I'll call Fulton again," He nodded, "Although I'm sure someone will call us." She nodded. Adam had been working in the towers. And as far as they knew, no one had heard from him. Dean stood up and watched her, frozen, he hated to see her like this. The phone rang. He picked it up. "Hello," He said anxiously. "Yeah she's here," She turned and looked at him, "Your mom." She sighed and took it from him.

"Hi," She said, "No, I'm OK. No, we haven't heard from him. Yes, I'll let you know." She sighed, "I love you too." She hung up. It rang right away. "Hello?" She said.

"Hey," It was Charlie.

"Hi," She said, she looked at Dean, "Is everything OK?"

"Yeah, he's fine," Charlie said quietly, she exhaled.

"He's fine," She repeated to Dean, who exhaled and then crossed himself. She smiled, she loved how he got all Catholic when he was emotional.

"He was in tower two," Charlie explained, "He was able to get out when the first plane hit, he's home now."

"OK," Julie said, "I'll call him tomorrow."

"OK," Charlie said, "Take care Cat."

"You too Captain." She hung up and immediately went to hug Dean. "Thank God." She whispered.

"Aren't you glad you didn't go to NYU now?" He teased. She looked up at him.

"It's not the only reason." She kissed him. "I love you." She hugged herself close to him.

"I love you too," He whispered. "I should go."

"Stay the night," She said.

"No," He shook his head, "Any other night, I'd gladly stay, and try to talk you out of keeping me waiting thing, but tonight, you are sad and scared, and from what I've heard sad and scared girls are a lot more likely to give it up."

"First of all," She looked at him, "You said you were OK with waiting, and second, you really think that a massive terrorist attack that one of our good friends was in the middle of would make me want to have sex with you?"

"I'm not addressing the second," He sighed, "And I am OK with waiting, really." She kissed him. "I love you."

"I love you too," She smiled.

* * *

**February 2008**

Julie sat in her bedroom, staring down at the box. This should be easy. It was probably just stress anyway. Or that she'd been eating differently. But what if it wasn't? Would she even keep a baby? Sure she thought she might have kids by now, but well, that was because she'd be married for seven months, so she'd be pregnant, but with a husband, and a life plan. Not because she'd gotten drunk and had sex with her dead fiancé's best friend. And should she tell Fulton before she knew anything? They hadn't spoken since he left. He'd shot her an email to let her know that he made it home OK. That was it. She sighed and picked up the phone. She dialed. It rang. It went to voice mail.

"Hey it's Fulton, you know the drill." It beeped. She took a deep breath.

"It's me," She said softly, "Um, Julie. I thought you should know, that my period's late, by about a week. I have a test, I just haven't used it yet. I thought you deserved to know. I need to know how you feel about it, before I do anything. I miss you. Please call me." She swallowed, "I love you." She hung up and stared down. What was she supposed to do?

* * *

**Review it PLEASE!**


	8. A Reason

**Author's Note: Yet another update. As usual thanks for the reviews!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

* * *

**Chapter 8: A Reason**

**May 2008**

Julie stood staring at Fulton from the doorway. This trip up she'd been noticing little things about him. And now he was playing with Kayla, she smiled. He had always been good with her. She'd thought about him a lot in the past few months. She missed him, the little things, like how there would always be coffee in the morning because he'd wake up to work out. Her own running had been cut down from three times to one a week without him to push her. She wandered back into the living room and sat down with them.

"Hey," She said.

"Hey," He looked at her and laughed.

"Doesn't Aunt Julie look pretty, Uncle Fulton?" Kayla said. Fulton smiled.

"Yeah she does," He nodded. Julie smiled.

"Alright Kayla," Guy came out, "Time for bed, say good night."

"Good night Aunt Julie," Kayla kissed her.

"Good night honey," Julie smiled.

"Good night Uncle Fulton," She hugged him.

"Night baby," He said. She trotted off taking her father's hand. "So," He laughed, "You do look great Julie."

"I feel great," She said, "You look good too."

"Thanks," He nodded. They laughed. "You seeing anyone?"

"There was someone," She shrugged, "From school, it fizzled. He was nice but," She shrugged, "What about you?"

"Her name's Amy," He nodded, "It's in that nice in between being serious or not place." Julie nodded.

"That's good," She swallowed, "I'm happy for you."

"Julie," He sighed. "Don't do this."

"Do you ever think about it?" She sighed, "If you had stayed?" He shook his head, "You don't?"

"No, I do," He said, "But that doesn't change anything."

* * *

**March 2008**

Julie smiled as her date's car pulled up to the house. Peter, they'd gone to a few dinners. They'd met in class, he was graduating in the spring, like her. He was interested in real estate law, which couldn't be more different than the family law she was studying.

"I had a great time tonight," She said. He smiled.

"Me too," He said, "I really like you Julie."

"I really like you too," She said awkwardly. They looked at each other for a second and then quickly and violently kissed each other. "Mm," She said softly, "Do you want come in?"

"Very much," He nodded. They walked to the door, still mostly attached at the mouth.

"Key," She mumbled, pulling away from him. He kissed down her neck. "Peter," She giggled and kissed him.

"I knew I wanted you as soon as I saw you in class," He whispered. They turned and she gripped the collar of his coat to pull herself close. She placed the key in the lock and pushed the door open. She giggled and pulled him up the stairs, each shedding clothes along the way. She pulled him down on top of her on the bed, and he kissed down her chest. "You have the most amazing body," He kissed her and ran his hand down her waist.

"Peter," She groaned, "Do you have," She moaned as he slid her underwear off, he kissed her, "protection?"

"Mm," She smiled, and kissed him, "Good."

* * *

**March 2007**

"Oh," Julie smiled, falling away from Dean, "Wow, I have been waiting months for that." He kissed her.

"Mm, me too," He kissed down her neck. "Is it bad that the first thing did when we saw each other was jump each other?"

"No," She laughed, "It's cause we're young and hot." He laughed.

"Not that young anymore," He whispered. She kissed him. "I'm so sorry for putting you through all this Julie," He said softly. "I want you to know that. I just, I needed this."

"I know," She said, "And you know, that I'm proud of you. We have our whole lives Dean, I just, I need you."

"Mm," He nodded and hugged her close. "I need you too." He held onto moments like this. To her, laying next to her, simply being with her. There would be a lifetime of these moments to hang on to. They didn't know that this was last time that they would be holding each other.

* * *

**February 2008**

Julie sat nervously in the doctor's office, Fulton in the chair next to her. Waiting to find out what their next step would be. He'd come right down, after she'd called him. Deep down she'd known he would.

"So," He said quietly, "If you are, what are we going to do?" She closed her eyes, he was saying we, it was so comforting to hear.

"I don't know," She said softly, "I don't think that I could go through with a, well, you know," He nodded, "And, if I am, don't think that you," She swallowed, "I mean, I can handle it, lots of women do and,"

"Hey," He said softly, taking her hands and looking right into her eyes. "No way, if you are, then I'm moving back, I mean, I'll get my own place, but I'll be here," She smiled, she felt truly reassured. "I'm not going deadbeat dad on you."

"OK," She nodded. "Fulton, I think," Before she could finish her thought the doctor came in.

"Well," The doctor said sitting down, "You're not pregnant." Julie looked at her.

"I'm not?" She said. The doctor shook her head. "Good," She said with a nod, "That's good." Fulton could hear that she was disappointed. She stood up. "Thank you so much." Fulton nodded and they walked out.

"So," He said, "Dodged a bullet." Julie nodded quietly. "Julie, come on."

"What if I never have a baby?" She whispered.

"Come here," He said holding his arms open, "You are going to be an amazing mother. But not like this. This isn't how it's supposed to happen. I'll make you a deal," She laughed, "If in ten years, we are both still sans baby, we'll do it again." She shook her head.

"Like I'd plan a child with you," She rolled her eyes, and they started walking. "I do miss you though Fult."

"I miss you too," He said, "I'm gonna go visit Dean, do you want to?"

"No," She shook her head, "You go ahead. I'll see you at the house." He nodded and walked off.

"Well man," Fulton sighed, sitting in front of Dean's headstone, "I miss you. Which goes without saying. I'm sorry, I think is the next thing I want to say. Really really sorry, she's yours, I mean, you called dibs on her when we were thirteen, so," He laughed again. "She wanted that kid though," He whispered. "I love her, so I guess what I'm looking for is some kind of sign that you're OK with it." He stopped, "I sound like your mom, asking for signs. But I'm still asking." He smiled quietly to himself, "I kept my promise though. No matter what, she's gonna be OK." He stood up and then walked back to his car and then drove to the house. He walked in and she was sitting there. Same as she ever was, her blonde hair piled on top of her head, drinking a glass of wine, in flannel pajama pants a Northwestern sweatshirt, she was beautiful.

"Hey," She smiled, "So I thought I'd have a glass to celebrate the fact that I can," She laughed, "I thought we could watch a movie since because of the writers strike there's no good TV," He sat down and kissed her. "Fulton," She whispered.

"I haven't been able to stop thinking about you," He said, "I have to take a shot. Give me a reason to stay Julie."

* * *

**Another cliff hanger, I know, although, not really...but what actually happens...Anyway, just keep those reviews coming!**


	9. It's Hard

**Author's Note: Again, thanks for the reviews. I appreciate it soo much you guys!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

* * *

**Chapter 9: It's Hard**

**February 2008**

Fulton couldn't believe they'd gotten here. They were horizontal on the couch, her positioned comfortably underneath him, she'd pull his shirt over his head and he was wearing a white wife beater undershirt. Her sweatshirt was crumbled in a ball on the floor and she was just in her bra. It wasn't fancy or sexy, just a normal everyday bra, and it was perfect, everything about this moment was perfect. They were kissing and he was softly groping her exposed flesh. It was clear where they were headed.

"Should we go upstairs?" He asked her gently.

"Eventually," She whispered, "Let's just fool around a little first." He nodded and kissed her.

Julie was thoroughly enjoying herself. They'd been so drunk the last time, they'd sort of skipped this part and she was enjoying it. He was kissing her so deeply she could barely breath and his touch felt so right. He was being so strong but also gentle at the same time. When she closed her eyes, and really fell into it, she realized it felt almost exactly the same as when Dean touched her. Suddenly, she realized and gasped for air. Unfortunately it was just as Fulton began to nibble gently on her neck.

"You're so beautiful," He whispered, and kissed across her chest, "And smart, and," She gasped again, she felt like she was having a panic attack. And then it came out, she just started bawling. "What's wrong?"

"I," She whimpered, "I can't."

"You're not ready for this," He sighed.

"I want to be," She said, "I really do. I want to be able to be with you, to love you, I just can't. You're not him." He sighed as she buried her face into his chest and he soaked up her tears, the way he had a million times over the past seven months. This was his sign, there was no go, he just had to move on.

* * *

**July 2007**

Julie stared at the video tape sitting on her coffee table. Fulton was next to her.

"Ready," He said. She looked at him.

"Not remotely," She sighed. He stood up and put it into the VCR.

"Hey Babe," There was Dean's face, his voice. She closed her eyes. "I really hope you never see this, but um, if you're watching it, hey Fult," He waved, they both laughed through their tears, "I want you to know how much I love you Julie, and how special you are. I want you to live your dreams sweetheart," He sighed, "And I want you to live and love, I'll always love you, and I'll miss you, wherever I end up. Bye," He said, and then it went to black.

"God that son of a bitch," Fulton mumbled. Julie laughed and looked at him. "You tell any one I cried this much, and I'll kill you too."

"I died two ago," She whispered, he hugged her. "I just wish I could have said good bye."

"That's why you need to go tomorrow," He said, "And you need to talk to Arlene."

"I have nothing to say to her," She whispered. He looked at her. "Don't look at me like that," She shook her head, "I can't, she just wants to organize everything. And I'm not there."

"She's just worried about you," He sighed. "We all are."

"I'll be OK," She sighed, "I just need to get through it all."

* * *

**March 2008**

"Good morning," Julie smiled, as Peter walked downstairs. "I didn't want to wake you up, but I made coffee."

"Mm," He nodded and sat down next to her and kissed her, "I wish you had woken me up." She giggled. "You were great," She smiled.

"Thanks," She blushed, "You weren't so bad yourself." She had enjoyed it. Peter was heavey, fast, working hard every second, and it felt good, different, but good. They kissed again.

"What's that?" He asked, noticing the mantle. She stopped. She should have put it away, she wasn't thinking. He stood up and looked at the frame. "Where you in like ROTC during undergrad or something?"

"No," She shook her head. "No, they're not mine."

"Are they like your dad's or something?" He asked.

"I guess I owe you the truth," She sighed, and walked over, "These belonged to my fiancé."

"Belonged," He nodded, "As in, you stole them when you broke things off?"

"No," She shook her head, "As in, his mother let me have them after he died."

"Oh," He looked at her, "I'm sorry, I didn't,"

"You couldn't have known," She shrugged. "I don't like talking about it."

"Then we won't," He smiled and kissed her. "Just, um, when?"

"July," She said, he looked at her.

"Julie," He said, "Um, listen if you're not ready for this,"

"Peter," She looked at him, "Do I seem like the kind of girl who would get into something she's not ready for?"

"No, you don't," He laughed and kissed her. "I should go." He kissed her, "I'll call you."

"OK," She smiled, as he walked out. Once he was outside, she sat down on the couch. It had been incredible, but she couldn't stop thinking about it. She walked up to go take a shower, and noticed the picture of Dean sitting on the hall table. She started to cry. "I'm sorry," She whispered. "I'm so sorry baby."

* * *

**May 2008**

"Hey," A young woman with dark hair walked into the living, room, "Hi Fulton." She kissed him. Julie smiled. "You must be Julie, I've heard so much about you."

"That makes you Amy," Julie said. "It's nice to meet you."

"Um, Amy was just going to drive me home," He said, "Do you need a lift?"

"Uh no," Julie said, "I'm staying here, Kayla's got me on the trundle." Fulton laughed. "Thank you though."

"Of course," Amy said, "I'd love to talk, hear all about you guys in Chicago."

"Yeah," Fulton said, "We should go, I'll call you tomorrow Jules." Julie nodded and Charlie walked out, he'd been over for dinner.

"Was that Amy?" He asked as they left. Julie nodded. "She's nice."

"She seems like it," Julie said and flopped on the couch.

"He wanted you," He said. Julie nodded. "He told me, not anyone else, but,"

"No," She shook her head, "I get it, I do, I just miss him."

"Weren't you supposed to be bringing a boyfriend this weekend?" He asked.

"Peter," She smiled, "We broke up."

"Why?" Charlie asked, "If you were prepping him to meet us,"

"Um, he felt like I was holding back from him," She shrugged, "Which I was. He wanted to take a step forward, and I was happy to stay where we were, and it ended."

"You couldn't expected the first guy," He said, "Or second guy," She laughed, "To be the one Julie."

"I know," She nodded, "I just wish it wasn't so hard."

* * *

**Keep the Reviews Coming!**


	10. Trusted

**Author's Note: As always, thanks for the reviews! I love them. I love you guys, and I really appreciate the feedback on this story!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

* * *

**Chapter 10: Trusted**

**May 2008**

"Hey you," Peter said, meeting Julie as she exited her last final. She smiled and kissed him. "Ready to graduate Miss Gaffney?"

"Mm," She smiled, "Yes! I have been in school for twenty years, I'm so done with this!" He laughed. "So when we go to Minnesota next week,"

"I am briefed," He said, "I know everyone. What about Fulton?"

"We haven't talked," She shrugged, "He doesn't know about you. Not that it matters," She kissed him.

"He's an important part of your life Julie," He shook his head. She sighed. "Forget it, let's celebrate being done with school."

"Yes," She nodded, "Let's." They walked off campus towards the place where most law students went for after class drinks, he had his arm around her, and she smiled snuggled close to him.

"Julie?" She stopped and pulled away from him.

"Arlene," She said, shaking her head and walking over and hugging her, "Hi, how are you?"

"I'm good," Arlene nodded, "I've been meaning to call you."

"Oh," Julie smiled, "Of course, really, we should catch up. Stop by the house some time, I mean, next week, I'm going up to Minnesota, but," She stopped, "This is Peter, a friend from school."

"Nice to meet you," Arlene smiled. "I'll call you honey OK?"

"OK," Julie smiled and hugged her, "It really was so good to see you." Arlene smiled and walked away.

"I've been demoted?" Peter looked at her. She swallowed, "Julie, what's wrong?"

"That's Dean's mother," She said.

"Dean," He sighed, "The late fiancé Dean?"

"What other Dean would I mean?" She looked at him.

"You can't tell her that you have a boyfriend?" He looked at her.

"Peter," She said, "No, I can't. Things have been very tense between me and Arlene since Dean's death, and,"

"Julie, I can't do this," He shook his head.

"What?" She looked at him.

"I have to know where I stand," He sighed, "We take a step forward, and the minute things get a little uncomfortable, or something reminds you, you pull away again."

"I've told you," She said, "I can't be in anything serious."

"Then why am I meeting your friends?" He asked, looking at her.

"Because I like you," She said, "And I want to be with you, and I have fun with you, but Peter, it's only been a year, not even, and,"

"Julie, I'm sorry," He sighed, "I thought I could do this, I don't think I can."

* * *

**March 2007**

"She's beautiful," Dean smiled, looking at the picture of Kayla Julie had handed him, "She really looks just like Connie, God."

"Mm," Julie nodded, "She does. She asks about you, you know."

"Nah," He laughed, "There's no way she remembers me." She kissed him.

"I wouldn't let her forget you," She said. He hugged her tightly. "I have to go."

"No," He said, "Stay, stay here, in the hotel, the hotel is wonderful." She laughed.

"You have to leave tomorrow," She sighed. He nodded.

"How's the support group thing going?" He asked.

"It's OK," She said softly, "Elizabeth's husband died last week, so everything's been a little nutty." He kissed her. "I just wish you'd come home."

"So soon babe," He said, "I know it seems like a long time." She kissed him gently.

"It is a long time Dean," She sighed. "But I will pour myself into school. If I keep going to class all through summer, I'll graduate by May 2008."

"Really?" He smiled. She nodded. "God that's awesome Babe. I'm so proud of you. Did you pick a specialty?"

"Family," She said, "I like the idea of really helping people you know?"

"Yeah I do," He smiled. "Plus divorces don't make for bad bank." She laughed. He touched her face and she closed her eyes. "No, keep them open."

"Why?" She laughed.

"I wanna look at you," He shrugged, "Remember those baby blues." She smiled and kissed him. "You'll miss your plane."

"Who said I was staying beyond that kiss?" She giggled.

"I did," He laughed, and pulled her close. "It's your duty you know."

"Are you giving me an order sergeant?" She giggled as he kissed down her chest.

"Stand down your defenses soldier," He smiled and lifted her shirt over her head. "I love you so much."

"Dean," She whimpered. Five months, she could make it five more months. He savored making love to her. This had to last him five more months in the desert.

* * *

**November 2007**

"Well, I'm glad you're home," Margaret Gaffney squeezed her daughter's shoulders. Julie had decided to spend Thanksgiving in Bangor. Her first holiday since Dean's death and she would rather not be in Chicago.

"Yeah thanks Mom," She whispered.

"I feel like we never see you," Margaret said.

"I'm busy," Julie shrugged, "With school."

"Mm hm," She nodded, "And living with Fulton? How's that going for you?"

"It's fine," Julie said, "It's Fulton."

"You know he was welcome to come," Margaret said, raising her eyebrows. "After all if you two are at all involved."

"Mom!" Julie looked at her, "We so aren't." She waved her hands in front of her face and Margaret grabbed her hand.

"What's this?" She said quietly. Julie swallowed and pulled it back. Why did she always feel thirteen when she was in the same room as her mother.

"I'm just not ready to take it off yet," Julie said, "I will be."

"Julie," Margaret sighed. "Sit down."

"Mom," She said, "I really don't want to talk about this."

"I know," Margaret said, "But I need to tell you something."

"Fine," Julie said and settled on the couch.

"Now, you know I love you father," She started. Julie nodded, "And I love you and your brothers, but my life was supposed to be very different." Julie looked at her. "When I was eighteen my boyfriend got drafted." She sighed, "We weren't engaged yet, but we were planning on it, and he wanted to wait, until he got back."

"But he didn't come back," Julie whispered. "Why didn't you tell me this in July?"

"For the same reason that you didn't take that ring off," She shrugged, "You weren't ready. And while Dale may not have been to me what Dean was to you, I've been where you are, and I wish you'd let me back in your life a little."

"I'm trying to put the rest of my life back together," Julie explained, "And I want to include you on that, I do, but it's just easier to deal with the things I see everyday." She looked down, "And that I know won't wait."

"I am here sweetie," Her mother hugged her, "I just need you to know that."

"I know," Julie whispered.

* * *

**March 2008**

"So," Amy said walking into Fulton's apartment for the first time, "This is your place. I love the boxes."

"Yeah," He laughed and scratched his head, "I uh just relocated a few weeks ago so I'm still a little all over the place."

"I thought you said you'd lived in Minneapolis your whole life?" She looked at him.

"Oh," He nodded, "I did, I mean, I have, except the last seven months."

"Where were you the last seven months?" She asked. He shrugged, "I'm curious!"

"It's really all kind of complicated," He said. "It would take a while to explain."

"I'm not going anywhere," She shrugged and sat down. He sighed, "Fulton, I know we've only been dating a few weeks, but I really like you. I want to know about you."

"I was in Chicago," He said quietly. "Um, my best friend, Dean, Portman."

"I thought Charlie was your best friend?" She said.

"He is," Fulton nodded, "Now. Because Portman died."

"Baby," She said and took his hands, "I'm so sorry," She kissed him. "What does that have to do with Chicago?"

"I'm getting there," He swallowed, "He was in Iraq, and he was engaged, to our friend Julie. So in July, when he was killed I moved down there to make sure she was OK."

"That is the sweetest thing I have ever heard!" She said and kissed him. "Is she?"

"Hm?" He looked at her.

"Is she OK?" Amy asked, "I mean you moved back up here so,"

"She's getting there," He nodded. "But Amy, you should know something else, um," She kissed him again.

"I can't believe that you did something so completely selfless!" She sighed, "I mean, knowing that a man would do something like that, is this day and age is so reassuring. It lets me know I can trust you." She kissed him and stood up, "Let's get you out of these boxes hm?" He sighed. Sure, he could be trusted, based on the first half of that story he could totally be trusted.

* * *

**Keep the Reviews coming!**


	11. Truths

**Author's Note: Thanks as always for the reviews! I appreciate them.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

* * *

**May 2008**

"So," Amy smiled, "Julie seems nice."

"Yeah, she's great," Fulton nodded and kissed her.

"Mm," She squeaked, "I can't stay tonight. I told you, I have an early conference call in the morning. But tomorrow night, we're hanging out with the Ducks right?"

"Yeah," He nodded and kissed her neck. She shook her head, "You can stay for a little right?"

"Mm," She whimpered as he kissed her again, "No. I love you." She kissed him lightly.

"What if you stayed?" He looked at her.

"We just went over this," She laughed.

"No, I don't mean the night," He said, "What if you moved in?"

"Really?" She stopped, "Fult, that's like a huge step."

"And it's one I want to take," He smiled, "With you."

"Can I sleep on this?" She asked. He nodded and she kissed him. "I love you."

"Love you too," He said. She waved and walked away.

"Or the way leaves everything lying around," Julie and Amy were laughing over drinks, pointing out Fulton's short comings the next.

"I know!" Amy said, "I'll be straightening up at my place, and half of the crap is his. It's ridiculous."

"I'm going to get another beer," Fulton stood up and walked over to the bar, where Charlie was standing.

"Awkward?" Charlie looked at him.

"Apparently not for them," Fulton shrugged, "But for me, yeah."

"So Julie knows that Amy doesn't know right?" Charlie asked. Fulton looked away, "Dude!"

"How was I supposed to tell her?" Fulton said, "I mean, I tried to tell Amy and she just kept blabbing on about how great what I did was, and if she knew that I slept with Julie and then she thought she was pregnant, well, I doubt she'd think it was so great."

"Amy, can I just say," Julie looked at her, before Fulton came back over, "I think it's so great, that you're OK with me and Fulton still being friends."

"Why wouldn't you be friends?" Amy said.

"Well, because of the whole situation from January," Julie looked at her. Amy looked confused. "He didn't tell you."

"Alright, return to eviscerating me," Fulton said sitting back down.

"Fulton," Amy looked at him, "What happened in January?"

"The Giants won the Superbowl?" Fulton shrugged.

"That was February," Julie said.

"Right," Fulton said nodding.

"He's doing that thing where he dodges a question by giving correct answers but not the ones you're looking for," Amy said, "Baby, what happened between you and Julie in January?"

"I should go talk to Charlie," Julie stood up and walked away. Charlie looked at her. "I screwed up."

"You told Amy that you were almost Fulton's baby mama," Charlie smirked.

"How many of those have you had?" Julie looked at his drink.

"Several, but that is not the point," Charlie said. "The point is, that you're in love with him."

"Charlie," She sighed.

"You are, and I know you think it's all creepy," Charlie said making spooky noises.

"You're drunk," Julie said, "and you don't know what you're talking about." She walked outside.

"I can't believe you didn't tell me this," Amy stared at him, "You asked me to move in with you, we were getting serious!"

"I thought you would think it was weird," He shrugged.

"It is weird," She said. "But you should have told me."

"Amy, it was one time," He tried to explain, "We were very drunk, and she was upset and vulnerable,"

"Not telling me about sleeping with her is one thing," Amy shook her head, "I mean, I can fathom that, but then she thought she was pregnant? Fulton that's a huge deal!" She stopped, "You slept together at the end of January?"

"Yes," He nodded, "And the pregnancy test was the second week of February."

"Fulton," She looked at him.

"Amy, that's everything," He said, "I swear!"

"When did you ask me out?" She looked at him. He sighed.

"First week of February," He nodded. "Amy, I,"

"We were dating," She looked down, "When you thought she might be pregnant with your child, and you almost slept with her again. Do you understand how much that sucks for me?"

"Amy, I know, OK?" He said, "But I'm over her. I want to be with you."

"I don't think I can do this," She said and stood up, "Maybe if you had told me earlier, but, I'm sorry." He groaned and Julie and Charlie walked over to the table.

"Fult, I'm so sorry," Julie said, "I figured,"

"It's not your fault," He shook his head, "I should have told her."

"Well, yeah," Charlie said, he looked at the clock, "I'm out, if I'm not in in a few mintues Linda will shit." He kissed Julie on the cheek, "Good to see you Cat."

"Bye Charlie," She said as he walked out. They sat and looked at each other and then laughed. "I'd love to see your place."

"Would you?" He smiled. She nodded.

* * *

**July 2000**

Julie sat comfortably on a couch making out with Dean. They'd been doing this for a month now. He moved down her neck and slid his hands up her shirt, she moved them down and then forced his face back up to kiss her. He moved down again, and she sighed.

"What's wrong?" He looked at her. She pulled back, "Babe, come on what is it?"

"I have to tell you something," She said and looked down.

"Hey," He said, lifting her face and kissing her again. "What is it?"

"I'm a virgin," She said. He kissed her.

"We can change that," He smiled. She looked at him. "I like you Julie, a lot."

"I know," She sighed, "But I don't really want to change that." He kissed her. "Dean."

"I promise not to pressure you OK?" He smiled.

"You say that now," She shook her head, "But I mean,"

"Hey," He looked into her eyes, "I give you complete permission to dump my ass if you ever feel like I'm pushing you too hard."

"Really?" She smiled. He nodded.

"Yeah," He said, "You're my girlfriend, not my whore."

"That's a lovely way of putting it," She said rolling her eyes. He kissed her.

"Would you put it differently?" He teased her and kissed her again. "College girl."

"Are you going to brag to all of your blue collar buddies about your college girlfriend?" She giggled.

"Well not if she's not having sex with me," He laughed. She smiled. "I love you."

"What?" She asked, pulling back.

"I love you," He said. "Yeah, I like that."

"Dean, it's been a month," She said with a laugh. He kissed her.

"Doesn't change it," He shrugged. "I love you."

"OK," She laughed, "You can stop saying it." He looked at her, "No one's ever said that to me before, I mean besides like my mom, and Connie when I gave her a good present."

"Well, get used to it OK?" He said. She smiled. "What about you?"

"I think it's another thing you have to wait for," She sighed, "I like you, a lot, and I like this, and being with you, but I've never felt that before,"

"I know," He smiled, "Me neither. I've said it, but not like this." She smiled and stood up, "Where are you going?"

"I have plane to catch," She sighed, "But in a month, I move here, so," He smiled, she kissed him, "You're the best."

* * *

**December 2006**

"You know what I miss about the east coast?" Julie sighed.

"What?" Fulton laughed, looking at the wistful look on her face.

"Thin crust pizza," She said throwing her Dominos slice down.

"That is thin crust," He said. She shook her head and made a face. "You said you didn't want deep dish!"

"I didn't," She said, "But I thought that thin crust back east isn't this."

"You're like the biggest pain in the ass," He said.

"Watch it," She broke off a piece of crust and threw it at him. He laughed, "You are a guest in my house, sir, you should be more gracious. I might just kick you out."

"I pay rent," He laughed, "Which makes me a tenant, which means I have rights." She smiled, and kicked him playfully in the chest, he grabbed her feet before she could a second time. "I'm trying to watch TV, Julie."

"Yes, I know the development of the Izzie and George romance is very important to you Fulton," She rolled her eyes.

"No," He sighed, "I'm much more interested in whether Meredith is ever going to get it together with Derek." She laughed. "What's the deal with Izzie, anyway?"

"Well," Julie said, "She used to be like really together, and then she fell for a fatal heart patient, and they were engaged, and he," She looked down, "He died."

"Julie," He looked at her. "Come on, don't ruin Grey's for yourself, the only time you are consistently in a good mood is Thursday nights at 9." She laughed.

"Oh you're right," She laughed. "I'll relax," She kissed him on the cheek.

* * *

**Reviews Please**


	12. Finding Happy

**Author's Note: Well, here's the last chapter. I really like where I've taken it. I still leave some little things unanswered, but I think you can fill in the gaps yourselves! Thanks so much for everyone's support on this story, it was a really strange direction for me, and I really feel like I grew as a writer while I was doing it. Which I rarely say about Fanfiction, actually the only story I really felt helped me as much as this one was Little Rileys, but that's for an entirely different reason. Anyway, thanks so much! Love you all, and I hope you have amazing summers!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

* * *

**Chapter 12: Finding Happy**

**May 2008**

Julie woke up with the sheet wrapped around her and nestled into Fulton's arm. God it felt good.

"Hey," He smiled waking up and kissing her.

"Hey," She said softly.

"How you feeling?" He asked.

"Good," She giggled, "Safe." She kissed him. "You know, I've only been with three men, and only two of them ever felt right."

"That's because you're not a fool around girl," He smiled and pulled her close and started kissing her she giggled. "Which I love."

"Fult," She mumbled. They weren't quite there yet, but they were very close. There was a knock on the door. "Ignore it," She whispered.

"OK," He laughed. "You're beautiful." The knocking became more insistent. "Mm, I have to get that, it's probably Charlie, when he comes home drunk Linda makes him do errands the next day and he usually drags me with him."

"Fine," She sighed, "But get rid of him."

"Alright," He laughed and stood up. He walked out to the living room and opened the door. "Amy." He said quietly.

"Hi," She said, "I was thinking and I wanted to apologize. I overreacted."

"Um, OK," He nodded.

"I thought we could talk about it," She shuffled her feet.

"Well, I," He started to talk.

"Fult, do you have the good coffee?" Julie wandered out in one of his tee shirts. He sighed. Amy bit her bottom lip and nodded.

"Of course," She said, "I'm an idiot." She turned around.

"Amy, wait!" He followed after her. "We broke up."

"We had a fight," She looked at him, "And you slept with her. And even if we were broken up it was for how long before you two had sex?"

"Amy I," He started,

"No," She shook her head, "No, I'm not going to do this." She sighed, "You two have to see how fucked up this whole thing is right?" He looked at her. "Her fiancé, your best friend, died less than a year ago."

"I'm aware," He sighed. "But Amy,"

"Don't tell me it's over Fulton," She shook her head, "I believed that last night, but this morning, with her practically naked in your kitchen," She sighed, "I'm an optimist, not an idiot."

* * *

**August 2007**

"She still just wanders," Fulton sighed. "She goes to class, work, bed. She won't talk, she barely eats."

"I'll talk to her," Margaret sighed and walked upstairs. "Julie?"

"Mom?" She sat up in bed. "What are you doing here?"

"Fulton called me," She said and sat down, "He's worried about you."

"I'm fine," Julie said, "I'm just tired."

"Julie," Margaret said, "You need to grieve, but, this is ridiculous."

"It's been a month Mother," She sighed, "Since the love of my life died. When Luke went to college you did this for a week."

"You have to eat something," She said.

"I'm not hungry," Julie shook her head. "I'm never hungry. I'm fine."

"Julie," She said softly, "We're all upset. Just come downstairs, I haven't seen you since the funeral."

"OK," Julie walked downstairs, less because she really wanted too and more because having her mother on her back all day would just drive her crazy.

* * *

**June 1994**

Julie walked into the locker room of the huge Minnesota ice rink. She was scared out of her mind as she got changed. She'd arrived a half hour earlier than she was required to, as she always did because she hated changing in front of guys. She peeled her tee shirt off and reached for her sports bra when the door opened.

"Oof!" A guy walked in and covered his eyes, "I'm sorry, I didn't think anyone would be here." She froze. This had happened before but the guys hadn't looked like this one. He was tall, and dark, and pretty hot. She pulled her shirt back on.

"I'm dressed now," She sighed, he took his hand off his eyes and smirked at her. She could see through him already. "Who are you?"

"Dean Portman," He reached his hand out. She nodded and took it firmly. He was put off by how strong her shake was.

"Julie Gaffney," She smiled. He nodded. She was cute. "Where're you from?"

"Chicago," He shrugged and sat down, "You?"

"Maine," She said softly. She already missed it. "Can you um, leave so I can change?"

"Yeah," He laughed, "Sure." He walked out the door. She sighed and started changing, she'd have to watch out for that one.

"What do you think of Gaffney?" Portman asked Fulton tossing a ball in the air, a few weeks later in their LA dorm.

"She's cool," Fulton nodded, "A little intense."

"She's really cute," Portman smiled. "I can't stop thinking about her."

"Since when are you thinking about her that way at all?" Fulton looked at him.

"Since she punched that Iceland kid in the nuts," Portman laughed, "That was so freaking hot."

"It was pretty cool," Fulton nodded. "So go for it. What've you got to lose?"

"Gaffney," He pulled her aside as all of the out of town Ducks went to split off to their various gates after a week of victory celebration in Minnesota, "Can I talk to you?"

"Sure," She nodded, "But I need to get a magazine and my flight is leaving in like ten minutes so,"

"Yeah," He looked at her, "I guess I'll see you in the fall, I just wanted to say I had fun this summer."

"Yeah so did I," She nodded, "And I appreciate that you didn't walk in on me changing again." He laughed and looked at the ground. "Keep in touch OK?"

"Yeah," He nodded. "Same to you." She hugged him.

"Boarding call for flight 621 to Logan Airport Boston," A voice called out.

"I have to go," She said. "See you soon." She waved and trotted towards the gate. He sighed. He blew it.

* * *

**June 2008**

"There's my girl," Fulton smiled as Julie walked in. She smiled and sat down next to him on the couch, "How goes it being a lawyer?"

"Amazing," She giggled, he kissed her. "OK, so it was my first day, and I mostly did paper work, but I'm a lawyer, or as soon as I pass the bar I will be."

"You look happy," He smiled. She nodded.

"I am," She kissed him again, "Really happy."

"Would I have anything to do with this happiness?" He asked teasing her.

"You have everything to do with it," She smiled, "I love you Fult."

"I love you too," He smiled. "So um, when do we tell Arlene?" She swallowed.

"Let's hold off on that for a little bit," She giggled as he kissed her and moved her horizontal underneath him. "You know I think he's happy for us. Wherever he is."

"I think so too," He smiled. "Do you think he knew?"

"I don't think he could have," She laughed, "I don't think anyone could have."

"I should go," He stood up, "I've got to go back to my place."

"You know we did this backwards," Julie smiled, "Most people date, then fall in love, then sleep together, then move in."

"Yeah," He smiled, "It was backwards." He kissed her. "I'll call you tonight."

"Sounds good," She laughed. She was happy. She glanced up at the mantle, she could be happy.

**The End**

* * *

**So, give the reviews, again, thanks for everything! Love you guys!**


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